Sunday, 9 December 2012

There is no good reason to binge

Well I was right about Dan not coming home last night!  He ended up getting home around 4:30 am, and then received a phone call around 10:30 am to head back in.  I hadn't seen him since Wednesday night and he was still sleeping when he got the call from work, so we didn't get much of a chance to talk yet.  We caught up as much as he could while he got ready for work, but he was out of the house by 11:30 this morning.  He will probably be back around 10:30 tonight and he's back to work for 5:30 am tomorrow, so I will get a bit of a chance to visit with him tonight before he heads off to bed.  We have so much to catch up on!  I'm really looking forward to seeing him, even if it's just for a bit!

Yesterday I had a run planned and truth be told, it was terrible.  I'm on new medication that makes my stomach queasy (I think it's the medication at least!) and I had absolutely NO energy.

I did the first 15 minutes at 4.5 mph and then took a break to walk for one minute because I just felt miserable.  Then I ran for another about 8 minutes at 4.7mph.  The pace didn't seem too hard, but I was just out of energy.  I ended up quitting 5 minutes early because I just felt like falling off of the treadmill.  I was kind of wavering around a bit and just felt off.  I did feel better later in the day yesterday, but then again this afternoon I'm starting to feel queasy and tired again.  Either I'm slowly getting sick or some medication is messing with me.

Last night I went to my friend Megan's house for a much needed girls night! It's out of the city and I was really wary of driving on the highway, but it turned out to be an uneventful drive.  This was an event that I had tried to plan my calories somewhat accordingly.  She had healthy snacks planned which was really nice! I was worried though that once I got alone with friends that just being with them would trigger a binge.  Usually I try to have Dan with me in those situations but since it was a girls night (and he was working) it just didn't happen.  I ended up drinking the wine I brought and a few snacks LOT of snacks.  I purposely didn't have supper since we where meeting right around supper time and I knew that if I triggered, I better have as many calories free as possible.

The biggest Pointsetta I've ever seen!

I did really good at first.  I had lots of veggies and some cubes of cheese, but she had this cheese that was REALLY good and I just couldn't get enough.  I ate cheese and crackers like they where going out of style.  Very mindlessly.  I ate so much that I woke up ashamed this morning and full of self loathing.  The only reason I stopped eating was because at one point I asked for more crackers and she said, "are you sure?" and it was like a light bulb went off. I instantly snapped out of the binge and didn't have any more.  I didn't realize how badly I was mindlessly eating until that point.  I'm still upset with myself, but that was last night, and this is today.  Not much I can do about what happened last night, other than to learn from it.

Originally I was going to ask her to watch me, and if I looked like I was eating too fast/much to just mention it to me.  Or suggest I have water instead.  But I was too embarrassed to ask for help.  Which now I realize was stupid.  She's one of my best friends, I wasn't asking for her to raise the Titanic, only to help me from binge eating.

So, this story of my binge last night leads me to a trend I've been seeing lately.  A trend that pops up every time a holiday appears.  I have had SO many people mention that it's okay to "treat" yourself at the holidays. Or say, "Hey, you've hit your big weight loss, you can treat yourself now!".  And so on.  This is actually a very disturbing trend that I'd like to address.  So, is it okay to treat yourself during the Holidays?

Short answer. YES!  I totally believe that you can have a few indulgences during the holidays.  In fact it's unrealistic to expect yourself to avoid all sugary sweets and treats during the holidays.  Eventually you'll end up feeling deprived and angry, and that's when you go overboard and binge eat.

The problem I have is with the presumption that because it's the holidays it's okay to have a bad day every once in awhile.  The problem is, is that a bad day is a BAD DAY.  A day, evening, or a whole meal devoted to bingeing on food is the problem.

Look at it this way.  Would you tell an alcoholic it's okay to get drunk? No. Would you tell an alcoholic it's okay to get drunk because it's Christmas?  No! In fact that's an absolutely terrible reason to urge someone to drink.  The same goes for binge eaters.  It's not okay to binge eat.  The reason being, is that it's a slippery slope.  You binge eat once and the cravings begin.  If you're ill equipped then it's all downhill from there and it's way too easy to relapse.  One binge leads to another and another.  Just like one drink leads to another and another.

You can however still have goodies that the season offers.  I asked Dan to buy me a Terry's Dark Chocolate Orange for my stocking this year.  Why? Because it's Christmas and I LOVE them!  What I'll do is just eat it in moderation.  There is no good reason to binge. Besides I'll be much happier to eat it slowly and actually enjoy it.  Same goes with snacks, turkey dinners and so on.  Enjoy what the season offers, just do it in moderation and remember that the season is about many other things other than eating joy into your life.

Now obviously some of you will disagree with me.  And that's totally okay! A lot of people have a perfectly fine relationship with food and either dont feel the need to binge eat during Christmas, or if they do they don't suffer long term effects like someone who has a bingeing or food addiction problem.  Just like many other things in life, you can indulge just do so in moderation and know what your limits are and set appropriate boundaries.

Well, besides eating too much the rest of the night was fantastic!  We had lots of girl talk, and played Pictionary Man.  Have any of you played it before?  It's awesome!

You have props that you can use dry erase markers on and everyone else has to guess what you're drawing, just like ordinary Pictionary.  In this photo Megan got "Shield" so she drew a knight with a shield.  It was a total blast and I can't wait until us girls can get together again to hang out.

This morning was an absolutely beautiful morning!  It got pretty chilly last night (-31C or -24F) so when I got up this morning everything was covered in a ton of frost.

Look at all of the snow and frost!  This is the view from my office window.

I really hope that this post doesn't come across as preachy, that's not my intention.  My intention is to let people know that it's okay to have a few indulgences, but not to let anything trivial be an excuse to go overboard with eating.  We're strong men and women, we can make it through the holidays without bingeing if we put our minds to it! I meant this to be a post about hope, so I sincerely hope it came across that way.

I hope you've all had a fantastic weekend!

1 comment:

  1. This happens to the best of us. Its good you had a light bulb moment.
    I hope u and Dan spend some time together.
    And dont worry about being preachy.
    U have lost SO much weight & we all look upto u.