Tuesday, 22 January 2013

Mental games

Today has been a week since my Doctor's appointment and my stomach is still very swollen looking (I've even lost my back "rolls" because of fluid retention!).  I'm glad that I haven't gotten any bigger, but I'm also concerned that it hasn't gone away yet either.

The beginning of this week consisted of me calling doctors offices and trying to get in to a new doctor.  Only one will take me, and not for over a month yet.  Even after telling the receptionist how terrible I feel, and how things don't seem right.  I'm unsure if I should go back to my doctor and ask to be examined, or if I should wait it out.

I honestly am at my wits end with Doctors, and I have no idea how to proceed.  As it is, I can only eat very small amounts of food before I get stomach pains from eating too much.  If I do have Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) then I'm supposed to drink nothing but Gatorade and eat lots of salty foods.  However, if it's a different type of fluid retention, then I'm supposed to avoid salty foods!  I still cannot exercise, and in fact if I do have OHSS then you're not supposed to exercise at all!  My doctor just seems to shrug off whatever I'm concerned about, so I just want to save myself the trouble and not go at all. (I seem to be full of faulty logic these days!)

To make matters a little worse, Dan has been gone all week.  It's been a very trying time with my patience.  I don't have the energy to cook, and when I do eat I get stomach pains.  So I've just been eating very tiny meals, and for most of last week I under ate because I just couldn't physically eat enough food.

This weekend I went to visit my Mom and sister which was fantastic.  It's hard being at home all alone and not being able to eat, cook, or even do laundry!  Everyone needs their mom to take care of them sometimes.  This was that weekend for me.

Moms dog Sasha.  She always sits on her bum with her feet forward like a human.

Daisy! I had to disturb her sleep to catch this picture, she was curled up like a bun.  She looks more curious than perturbed thankfully.

Since Dan has been gone for so long, he decided to take two days off to spend them with me.  I'm so thankful.  I've been going out of my mind with no work (not that I would be able to work properly), and not being able to do anything at home.  I'm getting a pretty bad case of feeling sorry for myself.

The days consist of: Video games, Gatorade, and water.

I think besides the stomach pains, and feeling like a marshmallow one of the toughest things is not being able to fit my clothes.  I can't fit ANY of my jeans. Not a single pair.  I wear pajamas all day.  Which come to think of it, if I cannot feel pretty in my own skin, and I can't even wear my pretty clothes, how can I feel good mentally?  It's tough, really really tough.

I get up in the morning and my stomach aches, I don't have to work so I just toss my hair into a pony tail and stay in my pajamas since nothing else fits.  Then I sit all day because my stomach aches to move around and I'm so fatigued!  It's very hard not to become a Negative Nancy.  Also, I learned something about myself.  When I'm a rough spot mentally I do two things. 1)I notice every ache and pain, then google it.  Then convince myself that I have MS, Fibromyalgia, or a tumor, and then get increasingly alarmed until said symptoms disappear.  2)If I watch dramas while feeling sorry for myself, I feel even MORE sorry for myself.  Or worse, start those absolutely terrible "for no reason" crying fits.  Comedies only in this house!

Let me tell you guys, only take fertility medication from a Doctor who is VERY familiar with the medication and fertility treatments.  This sucks!

I know some of you have mentioned going to the Emergency room or finding a specialist.  Here are the reasons why I can't/won't.  The Emergency room is for Emergencies first of all.  Secondly, every time I've gone I've waited for over 12 hours EVERY time.  Thirdly, if my family doctor and the women's health nurse practitioner don't know the complications of my fertility medication, then it's likely they won't either.  To go to a specialist in the area, I need a doctors referral and it takes up to several months to get in to see them.  So that leaves me trying to find a new Doctor, which is hard for anyone to find here let alone someone who already has a doctor.  Which leaves me with my family doctor, which I'm unhappy with.  So what do I do?  Wait it out, or try to get in to seem him and hope he listens and examines me this time?


  1. wow--it seems really hard there to see doctors. I cant imagine that they keep you waiting so long. I'm aware its very pricey too.
    I'm praying for you Daph...I'm sure all will be well.
    Its like weight-loss--I believe hard, but worth it!
    Hang in there!:)

  2. If I were you, I'd go back to my regular doc and put presure on him. He should at least be having you do some blood draws for lab tests or SOMETHING. There's obviously a problem and it needs to be addressed. If tests come back normal, then he needs to refer you to a specialist. I know waiting would be awful, but it's better to at least get a referral and get on a list than to deal with it with no options.

    And stay off of Google - the things that come up can make you crazy sometimes! :)

  3. Go back to your doctor and insist he run tests and examine you. That is absolutely ridiculous! You should not have to live that way and Doctors are suppose to be there to help you. Go back again!

  4. I wonder if it's something else unrelated to PCOS and OHSS. Has the Dr. checked your gall bladder?
    A few summers ago I started getting these attacks. During these attacks, my stomach would get very distended. The day I went to hospital I was wearing jeans so big on me I could walk out of them if I didn't have a belt on, that day I had to unbutton them my belly blew up so big. The first few attacks I thought were food poising. I'd get sweats, nausea, feel exhausted immediately, would need to lay down and sleep it off. They seemed to happen right after eating. Then, it seemed like it was stress related because I had one right after saying goodbye to my father before we got on the plane. They all happened in a 2 week period. We were traveling in Greece to see my family, I had just gotten engaged. So I wrote it off to strange food, stress/family, airplanes, etc. After coming home a month passed with out a symptom, then after a stressful fight with my mom the following day the really bad one hit and I went to the hospital.
    I had a gall stone going into the neck of the gall bladder. The dr was surprised those were the only attacks/symptoms I ever had. Some people suffer daily with these pains. He determined that the gall bladder had coped all my years of bad eating. 8 months before traveling I cleaned up my diet and exercised. When I got to Greece I ate everything I wanted to which triggered the gall bladder to say "what the hell?" and start acting up. I had surgery the next morning to remove my gall bladder.

    It couldn't hurt to look into it. I hope you feel better soon!