Friday, 2 August 2013

Cafeteria meals

At our last appointment in the big city we where told that I'd have to get a couple of NST's (Non-Stress Test) a week for the next three weeks.  In three weeks they wanted to see me again for another ultrasound.  Since then I've had 4 NST's at the local hospital and have seen my Obstetritians twice.  I average about three different appointments a week.  Could be worse I suppse, the appointments are all easy.

The NST's require me to go register at the hospital, then I get to head up to Labour & Delivery Triage.  It sounds scary, but it's not.  Or at least it hasn't been for me.  For an NST they have you lie down while they strap monitors to your belly.  One is a fetal doppler to track baby's heartbeat, the other is a monitor to track his movements and contractions.  Then I hold this clicker and I click the button whenever I feel him move or kick.  They of course check blood pressure and temperature too, and ask a zillion questions.  But then I'm left to lie there and concentrate on baby.  It was scary at first, but now it's relaxing.  I can focus on his movements and in the background I hear the *womp womp* of his heart.  Sometimes I hear a loud *BOMP* from the doppler when he kicks it.  After awhile, usually 20 minutes they tell me whether everything is good or not and send me on my way if all is good.  I have no idea what happens if somethings not right, and hopefully I don't find out first hand.

Before my NST today I was in the hospital cafeteria having lunch.  I decided it was better to have food in my stomach rather than going in hungry and getting nauseous.  A pregnant womans stomach is a delicate thing!  I looked around and thought about a conversation I had years ago with a friend.  We had both lost weight and were sitting in a cafeteria having our uber healthy lunches and peering around at what others ate.  Be both agreed that we cringed everytime we saw someone who was bigger chowing down on unhealthy food.  Like we where better than them.  Back then I was so gung-ho about my weight-loss lifestyle that I wanted to tell everyone.  (Hey looky, I have a blog.. not much has changed!)  The difference between then and now is now I have an open mind.  Back then I would have looked at the white bread sandwich a bigger woman ate, and the accompying chocolate bar and would have cringed SO HARD.  I would want to shake her and say, "Don't you know what you're doing?!"  If you JUST ate a salad, or a sandwich on whole grain, or an orange you'd be..... What? What would she be?  Me? She would be who I would want myself to be.  She might end up skinny, or not.

Today I decided to eat a deep fried chicken burger on a *gasp* white bun.  It even had mayo.  I can hear former Daphne gasping and fainting at how cringe-worthy I looked.  A fat pregnant woman eating a chicken burger.  Didn't I KNOW what I was doing?  Well yes, of course I knew what I was doing.  I'm not a complete ding-a-ling!  And I bet the people I saw in the cafeteria years ago wheren't ding-a-lings either.  Whether they ate a burger, salad, sushi, or fries.  We all have a general idea of what's healthy or not.

A few weeks ago I was at my High School reunion and for supper one night I loaded up my plate with salad, cold veggies, dip and ham.  Someone said, "boy that looks.. healthy."  And I said, "Yup, have to keep up appearances."  and they said, "Yeah, I thought so."

I regret saying that so so much.  The reason I grabbed veggies and meat was becuase I had a lot to eat in the trailer before the meal.  Crackers in fact, I had crackers.  So in my mind "carbs" where covered for dinner, I didn't need any more.  I just needed vegetables and protein.  I don't want people to think I eat certain foods in front of others and different foods behind closed doors.  I also don't want people to think that they have to look like they're eating healthy.  There are a million reasons why people eats what they do, sometimes it's health related, sometimes it's mental, sometimes it's a complex combination.

For instance, my last birthday I was out for supper with Dan at a new restaurant.  We went to a restaurant where I couldn't track the Calories.  I ordered something that had sauces and gravies on it and mashed potatoes.  Who the hell knows what was in it.  Oils, butters, salt, and so on I bet.  I had wine too, actually half a bottle I think.  But anyone who looked on wouldn't see anyone losing weight.  They would see an overweight woman eating chicken, potatoes and vegetables covered in oils and gravies and downing wine.  I have no regrets about that meal.  I am obviously an admirer of good food, and that meal was delicious.  I would have ordered the same thing if I knew one of my blog readers, friends, family, whoever was with me too.  Because hey, why NOT?

Now, I talk a lot about binge eating and not finding excuses to binge eat.  A birthday is not a reason to binge eat.  Sure I ate food that wasn't "healthy", but I did not binge eat.  There is a distinct difference.  I didn't shovel it down my throat, and I didn't gorge myself.  When I was full I stopped eating.  I have no trouble eating the odd burger, pizza, alcoholic drink, chocolate and so on.  Personally I fit it into my food journal and then I move on with my day.

I hope I never come across as fake in that way ever again.  If asked if I'm showing off food wise I want my answer to always be no.  I like setting an example, and I hope I can do that without changing anything that I do already.  There's nothing wrong with enjoying any food in moderation.  And for me that means not bingeing.  

We are almost finished our nursery for our little dude!  I'm currently 32 weeks along, only 4.5 more weeks until I'm full term!  Panic is starting to set in.  I don't have any items for my hospital bag, no diapers or wipes, no food stores in the freezer.  Heck, I need to still clean the bathroom to put baby stuff in.  I only just finished decorating the nursery and crochetting a twin sized afghan.  

Here is the crib and changetable.  We're doing a dinosaur theme!  The mobile has little superheroes on it, and the grey blanket in the crib is one I crochetted a few months ago.

I very much dislike this photo of me.. but here I am in all my 32 week glory.. Very tired, swollen feet, and hips hurting!

Next week I go back for another appointment and hopefully *fingers crossed* the last appointment with Perinatal Specialists.  It's quite the show to get me there, and boy is it going to be entertaining to watch me get in and out of my little car which I am finding is getting lower and lower to the ground.  Or at least feels that way!

Thanks for sticking with me.  I promise there'll be cutesty baby photos by mid-October :)